FrankenTurkey
by glittergoddess13
Summary: When Dean makes a Thanksgiving turkey, things go horribly wrong.  This is a short crackfic of what happens when good food goes bad.  Just my way of brighten up my Thanksgiving & I hope yours! Reviews are like Thanksgiving one helping is never enough!
1. Blowtorch

**This story rated T... for Turkey…:D **

**_Franken-Turkey _**

"Eww...ugggh…" Dean's face morphed to nausea and pity. It was never easy for Dean to admit defeat, but here it was in front of him. "Is it too much to ask for one thing to work today!" He screamed. Silently, he eyed his prey before drawing the machete. His eyes narrowed to slits, sizing up the challenge before him. Then as if he was possessed by the shower scene in Psycho, Dean reacted. The blade crunched into flesh and muscle repeatedly. Slowly, he returned to calm. "UGGHHH!" He screamed, looking down at his collasal, failed attempt at a Thanksgiving turkey.

No matter how he stabbed, the black charred skin and meat on the surface would only yield to the frozen meat within. "How the Hell do you burn the outside of a turkey, yet the inside is frozen!" He cursed aloud.

Normally that kind of yell would be great fodder for Sam or at least get him a raised eyebrow. Thankfully, he was alone. Well, just him and the most pitiful attempt at a Thanksgiving turkey ever. For weeks he had it all planned: Thanksgiving-a proper Thanksgiving- for Sam and him.

Now he had to get rid of the evidence before Sam saw the atrocity before him. However, he was too damn late. The front door swung open and a voice spilled in before the first stalky leg kicked the door open further. "Hey.. I got us some beer and…..uh…" Sam wrinkled his nose. "What's that smell?"

"Uh…. Something is wrong with the oven… it burned…!"

"What did you burn?"

"A…a…"

"Is that a turk….key… a mutilated turkey?"

"I thought I could cut the black off."

"Why did you want to bake a turkey?"

"I thought it would be nice… just once…"

"I think your turkey can technically be labeled a lethal weapon."

Dean gave Sam a disappointed look. "It's just a turkey Sammy."

"It's disturbing." Sam said looking at a blackened, yet frozen mess.

Dean coughed slightly in embarrassment. "You ate my cooking plenty of times."

"I'm still in recovery."

"Funny… real laugh riot."

"And what's in the bowl?

"uh… stuffing?..." Dean admitted sheepishly.

"Why is it orange?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"And you do know that oven is unhooked? What did you use to cook this stuff with anyway?"

Dean coughed louder and mumbled. "blowtorch."

"Oh, you didn't… no... wait...of course, you did."

"YOU'RE WELCOME SAM!"

Sam realized he was having a bit too much fun at Dean's expense. "Come on… let's get something at the diner. They had a huge pumpkin pie in the window… My treat. Really!"

After a longing sigh, Dean nodded. "Stupid freakin frozen burnt turkey ruining my Thanksgiving…"

"Yeah... yeah… just do us both a favor… stick to fast food and things in cans."

Dean reached over gently, and then smacked Sam's head. "Smartass mouthy younger know everything broth………" Dean whipped his head, looking at the burned bird.

"What?"

"Uh… I could have sworn. I saw… I swear I saw something move."

"Probably vultures coming to circle the dead rancid looking turkey."

"Yeah... its moments like these that remind me how much I want to punch you."

"Come on… I did say pie was involved with dinner… and a waitress name Betsy Sue."

"Betsy… hmm… sounds good."

With a few chuckles, both brother's agreed to the typical Thanksgiving celebration: A restaurant. Leaving the charred and sad looking turkey behind, the Winchesters were off on their way. As the door shut, a little singed blackened wing raised waving goodbye.

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x—x-x-x-x-x-x **

**Author's note: I'm working on the second part. This one is a short one, but it amused me too much not to get some of it up on Thanksgiving! **

**Happy Thanksgiving! Reviews are like pie… I love me some pie! **


	2. Attack of the Turkey

**-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x—x-x-x-x-x-x**

**Later…around 11:00 p.m.**

Sam nestled as far as he could into the couch. The well worn furniture was surprisingly more comfortable than many of the places they had squatted in over the years. He yawned deeply, his belly overfull on this rare occasion. As meals went this one had been a particular good one: turkey, stuffing, baked beans, mash potatoes, gravy, corn, green beans, sweet potatoes, and pie. Dean was a bit disappointed Betsy Sue was an ancient grandma, but five minutes eating her Special Thanksgiving knocked that disappointment to Timbuktu. It didn't hurt that Betsy Sue thought Dean was cutter than a bee's knees. Sam had to admit seeing Dean enjoy himself had made this holiday something special, which was rare in their world. Happily, Sam drifted to dreamland, thankful for a good day.

A sudden shake jarred him back to reality. His eyes focused on the alerted face of his brother. "What…what's wrong?"

"Dude, something's in the kitchen." An unusually timid voice echoed from Dean's lips.

"Of course there's something in the kitchen. It's called food.

Har, har, that's not what I meant." Dean growled back, "Dude, I swear … I saw something in there and you know with our luck, it's something bad...like... SCARY BAD!"

"You ate too much pumpkin pie... you're hallucinating. It probably that burrito you got two weeks ago, seeking revenge for leaving it neglected... Oh…. Scary… attack of the killer burrito. It will attack at any moment. Just go to bed..."

"DUDE, I'm serious... I saw something move when I went to get a snack.

"How could you possibly eat after that dinner we had...and the three pieces of pie."

"I was getting a beer so I could watch some… TV.

"Porn..."

"It's on the screen… so it's still TV….Nevermind… just get your gun… There is something in the kitchen.

Alright… but if this is a joke…no more pie… EVER!" Sam straitened up from couch and walked, bleary eyed, to the kitchen. "And if you didn't eat thing that were two to three weeks old you wouldn't be having toxin induced visions.

"Dude, enough. I swear I was fully awake and totally on my A game... There was something there, but when I grabbed my gun…poof…nothing was there. So if something is attacking us, I thought you might want to protect yourself..."

"Dean, there's nothing in here. Oh…you can't be… I can't believe you are pranking me again. You woke me up just to see me do your little joke. Awww man, this just…I take back the warm thought I had about you earlier."

Dean grumbled a low growl "It's not a joke…So stow the banter or do you want me to come over there and kick your little emo ass!"

"I am NOT emo!!!"

I'd be happy to do kick the emo right on out of you."

Sam snapped, "Knock it off."

"Fine… don't believe me."

"Why don't you do something your "creature"? Then you can let me know what was going bump in kitchen. I'm going back to bed. You're the only fruit cake that would eat something that could spout legs and become a new form of life.

"Excuse me? What is it you're accusing me of?"

"Evil science experiments with burned turkeys, burritos and orange stuffing… and let's not forget the time you made green chocolate pudding---GREEN…Dean, the microwave was invented for people like you."

Dean glared at him for a moment "Fine! Just go back to bed. I'll find the spook myself." He grumbled as Sam started to slump back to the couch.

However, Sam didn't have time to make it back to the safety of his couch, when the thing that went bump in the night revealed itself by jumping on the counter. The black carcass of Dean's turkey hopped upright and let out a roar from empty neck cavity.

"SAM!" Dean cried as he pulled Sam close and twisted them away from the poultry suddenly rushing towards him.

"Dean! Was that…"

"It's the turkey. It pulled some Frankenstein thing on us. It's alive."

"What the hell did you do to spark life in a frozen turkey?"

"I don't know."

"Dean, it's trying to fly!"

The bird rolled on the floor, coming toward the Winchesters.

Dean hunkered down and fired a shot at the charging bird. Yet, the creature showed no signs of slowing.

The greasy spots trailed where the turkey had made tracks on the floor. Sam lunged at the foul fowl and

"DON'T TOUCH IT!!!!" Dean screamed.

"It's just uncooked, although possessed poultry?" Sam reasoned. Then a sharp cry as he yelled. "I think it tried to bite me."

Dean dove on the floor and slide back towards the counter. He caught site of an overly roasted rear end gliding towards the stove and made a lunge at it. His hand caught on crackled turkey leg but it twisted and slipped out leaving him sprawled spread eagle, face down on the floor.

Quickly he got his hands and knees beneath him and followed. "Sam," he yelled. "Do you see it?"

"I got it." He heard before he could see Sam speaking. Down on his knees, Sam had a good grip on the turkey and when it wiggled his fingers held tightly. It roared again and tugged harder, pulling Sam down on his face. The front neck cavity lunged at Dean and sucked in his hand. He wasn't sure if it was bones or teeth that punched into his arms, but he was sure that it hurt.

"SAM… its biting me. Dean's face twisted n a grimace as he tried not to move. "Sam It's trying to eat my arm Get it OFF." Reflex caused him to yank his hand, trying to free himself. Sam was doing the same. Finally, a loud suctioned pop omitted as his hand became unlodged.

"SONOFABITCH!" He cursed and lifted the turkey to slam it against the floor, injured hand tight to his chest as blood stained his shirt. He slammed the turkey again, again, and again. "Find something to kill this?" he called out.

The turkey twisted in Dean's hands a moment before Sam stabbed it with a knife and lifted it from the floor. He scrambled with the impaled fowl to the microwave, pushing the beast inside.

As the animated turkey whirled around in a circle, the Winchesters just watched. "Do you think cooking it will kill it?

"Well it's trapped and it was all I could think of."

Before they could discuss more ways to kill a turkey, which just happened to magically come to life, the creature began bamming the glass.

Sam and Dean both jolted in reaction, getting ready for the creature to bust loose. However, as the microwave turned the turkey flopped a few times then imploded all over the microwave walls.

"Eww…that…"

"Yeah...let's get you patched up and get to bed."

"It's not too bad….I'll go take care of this. You think you can handle the clean up."

"Uughh…" Yet Sam quietly agreed when he saw blood drop from Dean's hand.

-x-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

**Later that night….**

"I think we should go to bed now. Sure your hand is okay?" Sam said backing out of the kitchen."

"Yeah."

"Dean?"

"Dude, I'm okay."

"No more cooking for you!"

Both boys collapsed on the adjacent couches. Sam turned off the lamp and nestled back to his warm fuzzy place.

"Dean... STOP IT. That's not funny."

"What?"

"Quit playing games and touching my feet."

"Sam…I'm not touching your feet." Dean said flatly and overcautiously. "I'm still on this couch."

"Dean!"

Sam…where did the stuffing go?

"No clue!" Sam yelled back. A loud roar was heard from Sam's side of the room.

Ah…shit…" They said in unison.

**x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-xx-THE**** END****-x-x-x-xx-x-x-xxx**

Hope you liked this little bit of fluff. It was fun for me.


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